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I don’t really know how to connect all my thoughts here, but this is more of a deep thoughts post about the emotional journey we are on. Fostering is not for the faint of heart, and I know we all know that. As far as I can tell, there are two kinds of people who foster. There are those families who already have kids, and have a heart to help kids from hard places, and there are those who do not have kids who want to adopt to just get a family started, and recognize the good that comes from fostering. Obviously, we don’t have any biological kiddos, because of my fight against cancer. By the grace of God, I am alive and won that battle. The aftermath will always linger. So, after years of “exploring” adoption as a way to expand our family, we chose fostering because of the mission we would also be joining. The mission of helping kids who are in hard situations find a not so hard place to grow up. We’ve had three placements, two of which involve the same kiddos. There is no certainty of adoption with any of these placements. In fact, what is certain, is that we continue to care for other people’s children, provide them with a safe environment, while their parents recover from stuff and learn how to live a better life. This seems like a noble thing to do on the surface, and it is, I guess, but it does not get us closer to our goal of having children. It gets us closer to someone else’s goals of successfully recovering, so we can return the kiddos to their rightful owners.

So, then, I have to think about the what if. What if Sweet Cheeks and Bubba’s mom is successful? Honestly, I think this would be a great thing. I’ve met her. I believe she really wants to get better, and be there for them as a great mom. She has battles to overcome, but then, don’t we all. So, what if they go back to her? We are DINKs again. We go from a house full of giggles, puzzles, Bubble Guppies, and diapers to what? An empty, quiet home. We will be heartbroken not to have our little buddies around, but we already recognize we can’t let that stop us from being us. We have pretty much decided that if they go home, we will probably not be able to foster again because of the emotional roller coaster that slams us from one brick wall into another. We are tired of this long decade of uncertainty, the grip it has had on our lives. Maybe our lives aren’t meant to have forever children in it. So, then we have to think, what does that mean? Some people do, but most people don’t go into a marriage saying they don’t want children. What are forever DINKs supposed to do? Our first thought was to sell everything we own, buy an RV, rig it up so Kevin could work remote from the RV, and travel the US. I think we are over that, but we may rent one for a vacation. It will be interesting to see how this unfolds. I quit my job to stay home with these guys, knowing it could be a short term arrangement. I would like to try something new if I go back, so that will take some working out as well. We think we’d like to have this Plan B in place in our minds by the time the littles may return to their mom. That’s not too much time when you’re thinking life-plan, but at least we have it on the table. Either way, our lives are going to change drastically over the next year.

Otherwise, the kiddos are doing great. I really think we have a very easy placement. They are pretty much easy going. Our caseworker from Covenant Kids is great. Our CPS worker is great. It’s just really working like the well-oiled machine it’s supposed to be (I know, I know…I just jinxed it…lol!). I’m glad this is the case though, because the other stuff is hard to swallow. In the meantime, we will enjoy the giggles, experience watching a baby reach his first year milestones, learn some ins and outs of parenting, and love this gift while we have it.